Terms of Service -
Wow! You actually came to this page. My lawyers made me include it and made me
use a precious button on my home page to get you here. At first, I thought the
lawyers were a real pain. But then I read the page. What a Netwakening! It's
really important stuff. I took the legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it
into readable English. So be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this page. It
could prevent you from hearing from my lawyers, or worse yet, from really nasty
people, like prosecutors.
Here's the deal:
I run this site so that people like you (and people you like) can use it for
personal entertainment, information, education, communication, and cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can even
download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial, personal use. If you
do, though, don't fool around with the copyright and other notices all over the
stuff. They're there for a really good reason. And don't even think about
distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or anything else
uncool with any of the stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video, for
public or commercial purposes unless I give you written permission. And it's
not likely I will.
If you visit my site, you're also legally obligated to [read: stuck with] the
terms and conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that applies
to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Somerton, AZ - USA. You
shouldn't access or browse the site if you have any problem with that, because
once you start, there's no turning back -- you are bound by [read: stuck with]
the terms and conditions.
So here's the scoop on my Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who hang out on my
1. For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted
unless I say it's not. So you can't use the stuff except how I say you can on
this page or anywhere else on the site without my written permission. And like
I said before, it's not likely I'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even
if I wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway. So it's better
you don't even ask.
2. While I try to include accurate stuff on the site, I'm not promising you
it's accurate. In fact, I'm not promising you anything except fun and
entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you're using it at your own
risk. I assume no liability or
responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
3. I and anybody else who helped me create, produce, or deliver the site are
not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In particular, the
lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes "direct, incidental,
consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access to, or
use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is
provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR
IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied
warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check your
local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the exclusion of
implied warranties. " Ugh! What a mouthful from the mouthpieces. I put all of
that in quotes because I couldn't figure out any other way to say it that the
lawyers would accept.
4. If you don't want the world to know something, don't post in on the site in
any bulletin board or anyplace else. That's because anything you disclose to me
is mine. That's right -- mine. So I can do anything I want with the stuff you
post. I can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it, publish it, broadcast it,
and post it someplace else. I can even send it to your mother (as soon as we
find her address). Not only that, I can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how,
or techniques you post any way I want to, including, developing, manufacturing
and marketing products or other stuff using the information you post.
5. Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either my property or
someone else's property I'm using with their permission. No matter what, it's
definitely not your property. You or any of your net-friends can't use it unless
I said you could on this page or somewhere else on the site. And guess what --
I won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because unauthorized use may violate all
sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff you download to yourself.
6. There's also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on the site that
either I own or I'm using with someone else's permission. So don't think you
have any kind of license or right to use them, because you don't and I'm not
about to give you one. If you don't leave them alone and mess with my
trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, I'll probably go ballistic, so
will the companies that own the other trademarks, logos and service marks. That
means that we're likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after you for
messing around with our property or the property of others.
7. You'll probably notice I've linked my site to lots of others. While that's
cool, it doesn't mean I've looked at all those sites, much less checked them
out periodically to see what's going on. So don't blame me if some site you link
to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead and link,
but remember, you're doing it at your risk.
8. Software that I use on this Site is protected by all sorts of patriotic U.S.
laws. Because of that, you can't download or send the software to anyone in the
vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any
other country where United States has embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone
on the United States Treasury Department's list of Specially Designated
Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department's Table of Deny Orders, or the FBI's
Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just kidding on the last one). As if that were
not tough enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those lovely
places, you're not even supposed to be reading this page, so beat it!
9. I'm also allowed to change this page and anything else on the site any
time I want to. That's because it's mine and I have the programmers who can do
it. If I do change the page, then you're bound by [read: stuck with] those
changes, too, whenever you visit my site.
10. Oh, and one more rule we almost forgot... (clumsy me)... To use this site
and the programs outlined within it, you agree that you are at least 18 years of
age or above... no "if's", "and's", or "but's"
about it. If you're not at least 18 years old, sorry Spanky, you need to go
11. If either of us wants to make something of it and wants to “sue” (a
dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of engagement. (sort of according
to the Geneva Convention):
This Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of California, without
regard to principles of conflict of laws.
To the extent you have in any manner violated or threatened to violate
truthaboutlowerbackpain.com and/or its intellectual property rights,
truthaboutlowerbackpain.com may seek injunctive or other appropriate relief in
any state or federal court in the State of California, and you consent to
exclusive jurisdiction and venue in such courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to first try to resolve it
with the help of a mutually agreed-upon mediator in the following location: Los
Angeles, California. Any costs and fees other than attorney fees associated with
the mediation will be shared equally by each of us.
If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution through
mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to binding arbitration at the
following location: Los Angeles, California. Judgment upon the award rendered by
the arbitration may be entered in any court with jurisdiction to do so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen what the
lawyers gave to me in the first place. I had to remind them that human torture
and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they look
March 11, 2006
Leon Lavigne /
Beverly Hills Fitness Group, Inc.